The anticipation for a Christmas reunion between Prince Harry, Meghan Markle, and the rest of the royal family has been shattered by fresh drama.
Fans were hopeful that this year would mark a reconciliation between the couple and their extended family, with plans to spend the festive season at Sandringham.
However, tensions have escalated following the release of Omid Scobie’s second book, Endgame, further straining the relationship between the Sussexes and the royals.
As the gusts from the North Pole make their way to Montecito, Meghan wakes up later than usual, shedding light on the couple’s Christmas plans.
She empathetically declares that it’s their holiday too, and there will be no early morning emails to staff.
However, a sense of sadness fills the air as a final check of the mailbox reveals that cards from Jay-Z, Beyoncé, the Beckhams, and various family members have gone missing in transit.
Harry, exhausted from the challenges of the past year, takes charge of setting the table.
Instead of the traditional turkey, ethically culled chicken from their own garden coop takes center stage.
Placemats are replaced with excess copies of Meghan’s best-selling picture book, The Bench.
Alongside these unconventional choices, side dishes of betrayal and woe are served, sourced exclusively from Palestinian-owned stores, adhering to the couple’s house rules.
The topics of Spotify, Coronation, and car chases are strictly off-limits.
Amidst the unfolding drama, Auntie Oprah is noticeably absent from the mix, fueling rumors of a cooling in relations.
However, Doria and Tyler Perry make an appearance, arriving in a Hertz electric car rental.
No Royal Californian Christmas would be complete without raucous parlor games, and Omid Scobie, known as Target’s court jester, suggests replacing stuffy charades with fantastical fireside storytelling.
The Sussex family clan enthusiastically dons matching cardigans and beanies, creating a post-lunch fashion statement.
Taking advantage of the beach’s tranquility, the family launches ships and bottles into the ocean, reaching out to those less fortunate across the globe who lack access to Netflix, newspapers, or the internet to hear Harry and Meghan’s grievances.
With no one to invite for Christmas, the couple turns to the spirit of Princess Diana for solace.
Conveniently, Diana’s spirit echoes what they want to hear – Meghan is the fairest of them all, and Harry still possesses his youthful charm, not succumbing to old age and peculiarity.
However, it is clear that the real Diana would have been disappointed in Harry’s transformation and saddened by his inability to create a happy family like his brother, William.
The Sussexes’ attempts at portraying a picture-perfect family are met with skepticism.
Instead, their moments resemble scenes from a fake Hallmark movie, carefully staged for photos.
As the younger members of the family continue to grow, their innocent presence serves as a reminder of the sweet traditions that the couple cherishes.
Despite hopes for a joyous Christmas reunion, the drama surrounding the Sussexes and the royal family has cast a shadow over the festivities.