In a move that has left many scratching their heads, Netflix’s latest venture featuring Meghan Markle has ignited a firestorm among shareholders.
The Duchess of Sussex, whose culinary skills appear to be limited to her infamous “engagement chicken,” has landed a multi-million dollar deal for a cooking show that few seem to want.
Reports indicate that the streaming giant is now facing an internal crisis, with emergency meetings being held to address what one executive has termed the “Sussex kitchen nightmare.”
The streaming platform, already grappling with fluctuating subscription numbers, now finds itself under scrutiny for investing an estimated $100 million in a project that seems to hinge on Markle’s sole cooking achievement—roasting a chicken on the night Prince Harry proposed.
A senior producer at Netflix likened the situation to a slow-motion train wreck, humorously noting that it resembles a culinary disaster complete with an abundance of avocado toast.
When Netflix initially signed the Sussexes, they envisioned groundbreaking content.
Instead, they seem to have gotten a series filled with complaints rather than captivating cuisine.
Early footage from the show, tentatively titled “The Duchess Dishes,” indicates that viewers may need subtitles to grasp the basic differences between salt and sugar as Markle attempts to recreate simple recipes while sharing her journey from actress to royal to, well, whatever she is today.
Test audiences reportedly found it hard to relate to episodes that featured exorbitantly priced organic ingredients and tales of kitchen mishaps at the palace.
Industry insiders suggest that Netflix executives were so enamored with the Sussex brand that they overlooked a critical detail: Meghan’s glaring lack of culinary experience.
One veteran food show producer quipped that hiring Markle to host a cooking show is akin to asking someone who watched “Top Gun” to teach skydiving.
As the uproar among shareholders grew, leaked production costs revealed that the budget for ethically sourced ingredients alone could have funded multiple seasons of “The Great British Bake Off.”
One particularly vocal investor raised concerns about whether teaching viewers how to craft a $90 sandwich aligns with Netflix’s strategy of delivering value for money.
Adding to the chaos, former palace staff have shared amusing anecdotes about Markle’s kitchen experiences during her brief time as a royal.
One former chef recounted the challenge of explaining why the smoke alarm went off every time she tried to make toast, while another recalled declining her suggestion to modernize royal recipes with kale and activated charcoal.
Behind the scenes, the show’s production has been riddled with drama, including several food stylists resigning after being told their arrangements weren’t authentic enough for Meghan’s vision.
One stylist claimed it took 17 attempts to achieve the desired “perfectly imperfect” look for a simple salad.
Market analysts are already predicting that this show could join Netflix’s growing list of costly failures.
As one streaming expert pointed out, at least Marco Polo had sword fights; this project seems to involve a celebrity who once served frozen yogurt attempting to explain the nuances of truffle oil.
Despite the mounting criticism, Netflix’s damage control team has been working overtime to spin the narrative positively.
They released statements touting the show’s unique take on modern American royal fusion cuisine.
However, even the most creative minds at Netflix struggled to justify episodes centered around Markle’s special recipe for avocado toast, which somehow requires four to five minutes to prepare and includes a backstory about media persecution.
The timing of this controversy couldn’t be worse for Netflix, as shareholders were already questioning the company’s content strategy.
One board member lamented that the funds spent on Markle’s show could have produced three seasons of “Stranger Things,” highlighting the disconnect between the company’s current challenges and this extravagant investment.
Supporters of the show argue that critics are missing the essence of the project.
“It’s not just about the food,” insisted one producer.
“It’s about the journey.”
Unfortunately for Netflix, that journey appears to be heading toward ratings typically reserved for infomercials about miracle cleaning products.
As news of the shareholder revolt spreads, competitors in the streaming space are watching with barely concealed amusement.
One rival network executive remarked that while Gordon Ramsay may yell at contestants, he at least knows what he’s talking about, contrasting it with Markle’s culinary misadventures.
Amidst the turmoil, reports indicate that Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos has resorted to stress-eating microwave dinners during board meetings—an ironic choice that might showcase more culinary skill than what’s being filmed in Montecito.
As Netflix scrambles to salvage this expensive misstep, it becomes increasingly clear that not every Hollywood venture can be transformed into culinary gold.